dating pre-engagement 101- the do's and don'ts....

The golden rule: NO BOY WANTS TO BE NAGGED ESPECIALLY ABOUT GETTING MARRIED!
Face it, when a girl thinks about marriage she imagines flowers, dresses, dancing, and diamonds...Men they see responsibility, growing up, bills, and more importantly the future of having to raise a family. My fiance consistently threw me off that he wasn't ready, but post engagement he finally opened up about the concerns of marriage, post wedding. (He may also have been expressing concern over my shopping and foodie addictions but thats a whole other post.)
So remember marriage does not = wedding, it is a whole lot more. That is one reason your man may not be overly enthusiastic when you bring it up.

• double golden rule- if you are only a year into a relationship, there is no way you should be nagging about marriage if you are in your early 20s. Some of the funniest things I hear from my NYC friends is every girl is out looking for a husband and every i-banker/ good catch is just looking for fun. Take it slow dating is fun, enjoy other people's happiness, because once that ring is on your finger you hit the ground running.

When one of your friends gets engaged mention it once about how nice it would be and then shut up! Repeating it over and over again is not being coy or stealth, boys aren't that dumb they know what your getting at. Believe me if your man is planning or thinking about it, you whimpering about your friends is not going to make him move any faster.

• Ultimatums, ehhh not the greatest idea no one likes to be pushed or forced. Perhaps my favorite story is a good friend of mine gave her man an ultimatum a week before he planned to propose. The guy had everything done and literally let her rant all while smirking inward about the situation. This is not always the case though! So watch what you say, if your man has a personality where he doesn't like to be pushed you should know enough not to push him into engagement. 

Looking for a ring- . I would definitely suggest keeping an eye open on line and on your friend's rings so you have an idea of what you like. Then you can mention it to your man "Oh her ring is pretty!" It is ok to be clear about you want its going to be yours forever, but don't start talking about rings until your pretty sure its happening soon, meaning don't mention a ring on your fourth date or you won't get a fifth.

• Window Shopping and trying on- this one is where I may differ with my friends and so I have solicited their opinions
• My fiance did not want me looking at rings, he said it to me once when I told him someone we knew was going with her mother to look. His mantra was if your going to marry someone you should know what she would want.
• Another friend went with her man- this is good too. Its nice that he wants your input, again its yours forever (or until you get an upgrade). Moreover, its a cute experience. The best thing to do in that case is pick out a few you like and let him surprise you when it comes so you won't know exactly what is in the box!!!
• Going behind his back- weird it could get him totally freaked out if he isn't there yet...Even more so if he already has the stone or ring picked out and you request something totally different.

Last note for the day, if you know the ring is in you house or in his bag WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LOOK!

 I know its tempting but think of it this way, it will be the only thing he will do, pick out, and surprise you with throughout the wedding. You will pick every detail of your wedding and yes your breathe will be taken away once everything is set up, but you will have had a say in it. The ring is his project all to himself and the only thing you will have no clue about in this process, so don't snoop put that box down!