Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Registering headaches...

I have to register for how many gifts?!?!

Rule 1 of registering- its your stuff that you and your fiancé are going to live with so pick what YOU WANT! Lots of people want to give lots of opinions,  but guess what it doesn’t matter.

Diversify- I would suggest registering at few places, especially if you have guests from different areas. Not every city has a Bloomingdales or Crate and Barrel, and while our generation is computer literate, our grandparents’ generation is not. So, being able to go to the store is a good thing if you have a lot of elders invited, stores like Macy and Bed Bath and Beyond may be more universal. Plus they all run sales, which everyone would rather buy a gift on sale because hopefully it means they will get you something even nicer.   

Price point- Unless you are Prince William and Kate, there is no reason everything on your registries should be very expensive. While for wedding presents the pricier things may be bought, for your shower and engagement the gifts are not as expensive. There is actually an etiquette book that’s says engagement gifts are not necessary, I don’t know what I think of this but I am not an expert on etiquette. My motto is if you’re invited to something you should be bringing something even if its little, it’s the thought that counts.

China- Jury is out on this one. Some people say you have to register some say you don’t. This is up to you, if you are planning on hosting dinners China is smart. My theory is register for 12-14 settings, and add more  if its all bought before the wedding. (keep in mind the size of your family if small no need to add) If you pick a reasonable simple five-piece setting you can always add a funky charger or dessert plate. Remember you aren’t registering for your grandmother’s china so pick what you like…remember to ask if it is dishwasher safe, if you are lazy like me.

Tips
  • ·      Make sure they have a good return policy!!
  • ·      Check each stores return policies

o   Crate & Barrel- hands you a check if you ask them.
o   Williams and Sonoma DOES NOT give money back, they only give store credit!!!
o   Bloomingdales- will credit your Bloomingdales card, I have heard rumors if you wait and don't use the credit you get a check in the mail…
  • ·      You can go green to save the environment. 
  •     There is also a way to show everything on the registries has been bought or take them down if you are inundated with crap and just want money for the wedding. (it’s a recession money is more useful than mixing bowls)
  •      You also get a lot of great promos by registering with the bigger stores and can use the discounts on anything.
  •      Sell your fiance on the concept that he gets to use a gun to register. As we all know boys do not love to shop so any incentive to get him to focus for 2 hours is a good thing. 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

had to share this...

http://www.chicagobreakingnews.com/2010/11/extra-alarm-fire-at-oak-lawn-bridal-shop.html


This literally breaks my heart. Even better read the comments, some girls are out of their minds selfish and others completely generous. Nonetheless, I feel terrible for those brides, my advice try to beg stores to sell them samples or hit up davids bridal...

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the art of wedding negotiating


Negotiating your wedding…

There are two different types of negotiations that go on for a wedding…Negotiation with your family and negotiation with vendors- we are talking about $$$ here, family negotiations could be an entire book.

There is NO REASON you should not try to negotiate everything about your wedding. Not only will it decrease your cost but it may also increase what is being offered too you…

Economics 101- the market is in the toilet, the wedding market included. While people are still getting married no doubt about that the trend is for smaller or less extravagant weddings. It’s a fact of life in 2010, people aren’t spending as much as they did, and believe me the vendors can feel it…

Venue-
« Discuss pricing before you go, how much are you willing to pay for the venue and food (a rough figure of course).
« Sit down with the coordinator and give them the rough amount of people your having including a rough idea of types of food.
« Generally they are going to give you a folder of menus with prices… these are not the set prices my friends!!! Negotiate the prices. Get as low as you possibly can, then once they will not go any lower, ask them to throw in something: an extra station, more apps during cocktail hour, your cake, or Viennese table.
« Also, a way to get the price down it to marry on a Friday or Sunday, venues would be thrilled to have more than one wedding a weekend if they only have one room.
« Negotiation= lower price +more perks

Photographer-
« You can negotiate here too.
« Do your homework.
o   If you know people who used that photographer ask what they paid or around what they paid.
« Ask the photographer if they will not budge on the budget to throw in engagement shots or an extra album.
« It is also important you request the proofs, some may charge extra for this, get them to include it in your negotiation. *stay tuned for my photographer tip post.

Flowers-
« If you are giving free reign to the florist make sure you give them a budget.
« Negotiate here by saying you are going to get your linens or lighting through the venue (they generally have a package).  Florists get a commission for linens and lighting through you. So by threatening to take it on yourself they will likely cave and decrease the price they are giving you. Poker Bluff lesson of the day.

Dress-
« You can negotiate the dress even if you are in a fancy store. Stick to what you had in mind for your budget and work from there.
« Try to get them to throw in the veil if they will not budge.
« A good shopping tip if your dress is over the budget- ask to by the sample and negotiate on that price.
o   Check out www.oncewed.com I just discovered the site and they have used dresses for sale including high end ones like Vera Wang and Monique llhulier 

Bands-
« Bands generally aren’t going to negotiate the price.
« What you can do is get them to throw in the DJ.
« Also, if your band doesn’t generally play the cocktail hour try to get that thrown in when you discuss the contract.

Paying in Cash
If you can maybe offer cold hard cash…
« Why cash: tax tutorial 101 if someone is paid in cash they don’t have to report the entire amount so if your paying 5k in cash they can report 2500 and you save them tax money…
« If you are Tony Soprano offer cash for every vendor, you will probably have the sickest wedding in town at a reasonable price.

Rule for the day
NEGOTIATION WORKS FOR YOU
LOWER PRICE GREATER PERKS!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Does the date pick you or do you pick the date???

Sorry ladies you are not in the driver seat in this one unless you are 2 years out, or there is sentimental value to use a certain date and that will trump where the wedding will be.

TWO WORDS VENUE and MUSIC
Typically you narrow down what time of year you would like the wedding, ie seasons, a month if its busy one like June. Then you start calling and looking…this is a very tedious process unless you get lucky and love the first venue.

Things you should think about before you start looking at venues:
« How many people are we going to be?? Mention this to your in-laws as well. (yes I know numbers are scary when discussing outside your own family)
o    If you are going to be a circus aka over 300+ your options in cities (like philly) are limited. So try to have a rough number because that will narrow it down.
« Do you have to be married at the venue or another location?
o   If another location like a church is it close to or easy to get to from the venue.
« What kind of place do you want to get married in
o   Hotel, banquet hall, museum, estate, casino, back yard…there are so many you can literally do anything I bet strip clubs can be rented out.
« Food- this is 50% of the venue people!!! BAD FOOD=BAD MOODS, if your self diagnosed hypoglycemic your guests are gonna be cranky if the food sucks.
o   Do you have to bring in caterers?
o   If not how is the food suppose to be at the venue? DUH.
« Parking and entrance
o   Is it far walk?
o   Is there valet?

Unless you are over a year or more out, I would maybe say a year and half for the busy months, the venue is going to tell you what dates they have open.

Then how do you pick from that?  Is June 1st  better than June 8th? Hell, I have no idea.

Once you have a list of dates- START LOOKING AT BANDS ASAP.
No one wants to be at a wedding sitting on his or her tush the whole time. The point of a wedding is for everyone to have fun, so an up beat band or dj that’s going to get people up is crucial.  A lame band leader can also crush the excitement.... 

The thing is with bands is they can obviously only do one party a night so there is about 5 Saturdays a month they are available. The more popular bands are 100% going to be tougher and have some of those weekends if not all of those weekends booked.
Some may have websites, listen to them and if your interested call them and see what they have available amongst the dates the venue gave you. Then ask if they have a party in your area you can hear them at or if they do show cases. Its like WEDDING CRASHERS but with a purpose! Just dress like you fit in not like trailer trash.

Therefore simple math,
OPEN VENUE DATE + AVAILABLE BAND DATE= YOUR WEDDING DATE

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Once you've got it now what do you do?


Now that you have been proposed too, how do you go about caring for your ring…No I don't mean telling it how much you love it and showing it off...

First and foremost above all else- get your ring insured.  Chances are if your man is on top of things this is done before he gives it to you…. But just in case you are the organizer in the relationship this is what insuring the ring requires…
1.    Before you can get the ring insured you need it appraised. A replacement cost appraisal is what you should be looking for. A certified gemologist should do this.  The appraisal will verify the authenticity, design, quality, and value of the item.  The appraisal should be done by an independent appraiser and put in writing (about 3-5 pages).  The document will include pictures and diagrams of you jewelry as well as identifying characteristics etc.
2.    Once you get the jewelry appraised you can get it insured. There is a premium (about 1-3% per year based on the value, amount of coverage, personal claim history etc.)
This is way to detail oriented for me bottom line get it insured to CYA (cover you’re a**)


Sized: I am the worst with this and my friends can testify to it. Get your ring sized ASAP. You can either get it made smaller, put in a U-guard, or little stoppers. Remember, the colder it is the thinner your finger so don’t freak out when the temperature drops and all the sudden your ring is upside down.
« IMPORTANT- if you are dropping your ring off to get sized or fixed make sure they give you a signed document that they are taking it…
o   If they say they don’t do it, INSIST have them write it on the back of their business card if necessary; have them give a description of the ring and sign/date it…(inside trick, if you have not been told the size of your stone, which is not really an appropriate question to ask (equate to asking penis size)… this is when you get a free pass to ask your fiancé because he would rather divulge his secrets then get scammed by a jeweler.)
o   Why is this important, because there are scam artists in the world and they can switch your diamond (its happened to a family member) Lets face it you’re not a diamond expert and unless you stare at your diamond 24-7 (this is likely in the first month of engagement) and your stone has very few flaws, there is no way you can be 100% sure you are given the exact stone back. If there is even a .0002 carat difference or non-matching inclusions, it is still a difference even to your untrained eye. THIS IS A REAL PROBLEM, the diamond will not match the one you have insured and appraised. SO if you go to sell it (or upgrade) you don’t have the same stone you purchased and none of your documents that certify the stone will match the one you are trying to sell…
o   BOTTOM LINE, insist they sign something and show you are not someone to mess around with. Don’t be weak when they say oh we would never do something like that etc. INSIST!

Cleaning tip from Mama…boil some hot water with a few squirts of fantastic or windex (don’t heavily inhale I imagine its not to healthy) soak the jewelry in the water for a few minutes a lot of dirt will come off in the water and a lot will be loosened when you take it out. One you take it out let it cool a lil bit (don’t burn yourself). Take an old soft toothbrush and spray the ring with the fantastic/windex use the toothbrush to get into the nooks and crannies to get all the gunk off. Then rinse the ring when done. I do this for all my jewelry even my watch, just watch if your watch isn’t water proof or sturdy, don’t keep it in for as long as the diamonds. LEGAL NOTICE-I am not liable if you over boil your watch and it stops working. A good trick is if the band comes off the face you can clean the band separately in the water.

Please note this is a serious post because diamonds are serious. Yes they are super pretty and shiny, but they are an investment, and no one should fool around with their investments. 

Thursday, November 4, 2010

pre-engagement cont....

This was a really fun post to write so I am just going to continue to rant....

Your parents saying things to you and him...I am not sure why it happens but I think that parents once you graduate college loose the luster of having you as a child, so they have a new focus GRANDCHILDREN.  No parents want to have grandkids late they want to be young, spry, and trendy ie our mothers will not be our bubbies. So they discretely mention grandchildren to you, then to your boyfriend. This is not the way to get yourself grandkids mom! HELLOOOO I don't have a ring and you just paid $$$$ for college and  grad school and all you can ask about is grandchildren? Were all those tutors and extracurricular activities you drove me too just for show???

  • First off, a kid is scarier then a ring. Costs more, is more delicate, talks/cries back, and = a hell of a lot more responsibility. 
  • Grandparents wanting to be great grandparents- another scary thing for both the girl and the guy.  HELLLLLO PRESSURE!!!

While you might be the princess in your house, guess what he is the prince in his.  
  • My mother always taught me be a "balebost" (yiddush for a good homemaker). This is crucial and so normal you should be doing it anyway I should not have to tell you...
    • clean up after yourself, always clear your plate...even if they have help do it yourself. You are capable.
    • offer to help when around the kitchen, even if you cannot cook you can still offer to set the table.
    • If you stay over their house one morning wake up and make them breakfast, scrambled eggs are no rocket science.
    • If there is a special event bring a desert or flowers etc. 
  • ALWAYS SAY THANK YOU!!!!! Even if dinner with them becomes a weekly thing, you thank them....
  • I am not remaking the wheel, but these little easy things aka MANNERS go a long way
  • It also shows you will be able to maintain the household when the time comes!
Last thing about rings per the comment on the previous post...
Traditionally, a guy has to ask your father for your hand...Now our dad's are not stupid. They see what we wear, the bags we carry, the cars we drive, if lucky or maybe not so lucky they see your credit card bills. Dads aren't dumb either, if they know you like the finer things in life they will know you want a nice ring..
  • Now, even if you father is not as into that stuff your dad still knows what a nice ring is.
    • Lets not forget by this point our father's will have had to celebrate 20 something birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, or getting out of the dog house... the point is, THEY KNOW JEWELRY you better believe if they spoiled your mothers all these years they want to make sure their daughters will be taken care of the same way.

Also, its NOT ALL ABOUT SIZE LADIES, while size in the bedroom may be very important, the size of the diamond on your finger is not as important as other aspects of the stone....
The 4Cs of diamonds  Cut, Color, Clarity, Carats.  Color and Clarity are big time they are what drives up the cost of a diamond. 
  • A brilliant white diamond with very few inclusions (dark spots) at 1 carat could be worth a hell of a lot more than a 3 carat with a more off white color and a lot of inclusions. Not to mention the whiter the diamond the more its gonna sparkle and catch the eye of someone then the dull 3 carat. So remember, bigger is not always better. Quality over quantity 101...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

dating pre-engagement 101- the do's and don'ts....

The golden rule: NO BOY WANTS TO BE NAGGED ESPECIALLY ABOUT GETTING MARRIED!
Face it, when a girl thinks about marriage she imagines flowers, dresses, dancing, and diamonds...Men they see responsibility, growing up, bills, and more importantly the future of having to raise a family. My fiance consistently threw me off that he wasn't ready, but post engagement he finally opened up about the concerns of marriage, post wedding. (He may also have been expressing concern over my shopping and foodie addictions but thats a whole other post.)
So remember marriage does not = wedding, it is a whole lot more. That is one reason your man may not be overly enthusiastic when you bring it up.

  • double golden rule- if you are only a year into a relationship, there is no way you should be nagging about marriage if you are in your early 20s. Some of the funniest things I hear from my NYC friends is every girl is out looking for a husband and every i-banker/ good catch is just looking for fun. Take it slow dating is fun, enjoy other people's happiness, because once that ring is on your finger you hit the ground running.


When one of your friends gets engaged mention it once about how nice it would be and then shut up! Repeating it over and over again is not being coy or stealth, boys aren't that dumb they know what your getting at. Believe me if your man is planning or thinking about it, you whimpering about your friends is not going to make him move any faster.

  • Ultimatums, ehhh not the greatest idea no one likes to be pushed or forced. Perhaps my favorite story is a good friend of mine gave her man an ultimatum a week before he planned to propose. The guy had everything done and literally let her rant all while smirking inward about the situation. This is not always the case though! So watch what you say, if your man has a personality where he doesn't like to be pushed you should know enough not to push him into engagement. 


Looking for a ring- . I would definitely suggest keeping an eye open on line and on your friend's rings so you have an idea of what you like. Then you can mention it to your man "Oh her ring is pretty!" It is ok to be clear about you want its going to be yours forever, but don't start talking about rings until your pretty sure its happening soon, meaning don't mention a ring on your fourth date or you won't get a fifth.

  • Window Shopping and trying on- this one is where I may differ with my friends and so I have solicited their opinions
    • My fiance did not want me looking at rings, he said it to me once when I told him someone we knew was going with her mother to look. His mantra was if your going to marry someone you should know what she would want.
    • Another friend went with her man- this is good too. Its nice that he wants your input, again its yours forever (or until you get an upgrade). Moreover, its a cute experience. The best thing to do in that case is pick out a few you like and let him surprise you when it comes so you won't know exactly what is in the box!!!
    • Going behind his back- weird it could get him totally freaked out if he isn't there yet...Even more so if he already has the stone or ring picked out and you request something totally different.
Last note for the day, if you know the ring is in you house or in his bag WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT LOOK!
 I know its tempting but think of it this way, it will be the only thing he will do, pick out, and surprise you with throughout the wedding. You will pick every detail of your wedding and yes your breathe will be taken away once everything is set up, but you will have had a say in it. The ring is his project all to himself and the only thing you will have no clue about in this process, so don't snoop put that box down!


Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Topics to come

Here is a rough list of some topics I plan on writing about- I am open to any and all suggestions so keep them coming!!

pre-engagement don't be a nag, don't give an ultimatum, and don't look for the ring in his things!
  • getting your ring sized & insured, a must
  • pickin' a venue, what should you be thinking about before you do it.
  • the date: do you get to pick or does the date pick you?
  • negotiate everything!!!! its buyers market in real estate and guess what its a buyers market in bridal world!
  • register, am I registering for things to expensive? to cheap? diversify ladies...
  • bridal party, this could be a blog site in itself
    • how to ask- even better how to get the groom to ask
    • how many- odds numbers are ok!!
    • what color dresses- don't jump the gun!
    • styles of all shapes, sizes, hair colors etc you name it- no one wants to look like crap!
    • pricing, what does the bride pay for and what does the bridal party pay for?
  • dress shopping mayhem- 
    • what will look best on me,  I am clueless!! 
    • bring pictures and ideas, but more importantly be open!
    • when the first dress appointment luster wears off and everyone becomes brutally honest
    • over shopped---don't make yourself nuts.
    • can you ask for discounts?
  • familial issues
    • who pays for what- more important how do you know if someone is willing to pay for something
      • can you talk about this with your fiance??
    • when your fiancé's parents are throwing something, is your opinion allowed?
    • who goes to what meetings?
  • over involved or under involved groom
oy vay there are so many things to discuss but I have plenty of time to do it!!! xoxo

Hello Brides!!!

Well, this is my first blog, first year out of law school as an attorney in the real world, and more importantly first time bride.
I figured I might as well share my thoughts and questions about the whole wedding process. I happened to be blessed several of my closest friends were engaged around the same time I was or some a year before. So we chat, we complain, we compare, and we ask questions. It is a really great thing,  so then I thought how many girls are alone in this journey and have no one to bounce ideas or questions off of.  Lets face it women of our era are different then are mother's, mother-in-laws, and grandmother's generations so their ideas are totally different from ours and often cause some tension in areas....So here we go I am gonna try this thing and hope some of my friends help me out with the posts!!!